The Journey To Mama

It’s common to be pregnant

Common to give birth

Rare to find peace in these times

with your own self worth

So when you finally pass the first trimester

past the days of the unknown

You breathe a sweet sigh of relief

‘I’m making my pepe grow’

And you feel this moment each time

you tell someone of the exciting news

Yet from joyfulness and clarity,

self doubt quickly ensues

Because questions, so many questions

even more you ask yourself

And you think I’m sure I’ll be ok

doesn’t everyone figure it out?

Decolonising My Hair

I'm of the era that would watch my older sister and her friends, use an iron and tea towel to straighten their hair.  The days when Avon was a "thing" and watching the girls get dressed up to go clubbing at Dan's would become my life goal. Colonisation 1 Vs My Hair 0.

My first visit to a hair salon, was when a hairdresser came to our Maori class to find 'thick, dark brown hair' for her hair competition. She would photograph one of us with our hair and makeup, so if you can imagine a room full of teenage girls, jumping at such the opportunity. The only catch was she wanted to cut, colour and straighten our hair. My friends without hesitation, said "No, she's not changing our hair." This ruled out everyone but me. I didn’t have the long, curly, beautiful hair they had. Mine was straight frizz.

I spent 8 hours on a school day in a salon watching women come in and out of that salon. Drinking my first cappuccino and reading Vogue and Women's Weekly. I shared about my school life and how much I loved kapahaka. After two dye sessions, it was clear to me the hairdresser was no good, and clear to my hairdresser, my hair was going to do what she had planned. So, she decided to go with it and created her concept from my stories.  Sitting outside Rehua Marae at 9pm, a light dusting of rain undoing all of her hard work and my kapahaka uniform on, I felt like the beez-neez. Colonisation 0 Vs My Hair 1.

Are You Ready To Date?

It is not whether I am ready

It is whether this man is ready

Ready to be surrounded by the mana of my sisters

A man who is proud of my sisters

A man who is not afraid or confined by my sisters

Who feels light with my sisters

Who does not need attention from my sisters

He is aware of their power and acknowledges this truth

With humility and grace

Like every brother should

A man who protects the sacredness of my sisters

By staying the fuck out of our sacredness 

Kōrero With a Creative

Where are you from?

I was born in Blenheim. We lived in Picton but the nearest hospital was in Blenheim. I was supposed to be named after my Mum's mum Mary (as Mere) but instead I was named after one of my Dad's kūia who was staying at the time when my Mum went into labour. I am the pōtiki of 12 siblings. Six from my Mum, five of which are my Dads too, and seven from his previous marriage. Our whānau spans multiple generations, so that comes with all sorts of experiences that not many people my age would understand. As the youngest I've seen it all. My eldest living brother is 70 on New Year’s and I'm 36 so there's lifetimes of experiences within one whānau.

I was raised old school but I’ve got those Gen Y tendencies, so I'm pretty fortunate. My dad was a Māori teacher at Queen Charlotte High School. Mum was an English teacher before she was a full-time mother. When I was four, my mum separated from my dad and we moved to Ōtautahi. We lived with different whānau and were always moving which was stressful for Mum, but an adventure for my brother and I. We lived with different siblings and their children, our nieces and nephews, who were the same age as us, some older. We're all still pretty close now.

I moved to Tāmaki Makaurau when I was 16. I just had the bug to find something bigger and brighter and browner. It was meant to be the stepping stone to my overseas travels but then I started moving throughout the motu. Down to Queenstown for the ski seasons and then up to Paihia for a summer, and back to Tāmaki before I moved ki Te Whenua O Moemoeā.

Self and community care

I hear a resounding “PAY ATTENTION!”

Don’t switch off, don’t shut down, just pay attention. So, I listen, I observe, and I allow my breath to move through me scanning my body, my thoughts, my heart and my wairua. I simply pay attention.

Self care begins with paying attention. Paying attention to yourself, to the earth, the elements, ancestors, he tohu, he tapu. “Ko au te awa, ko awa ko au” is a well known Ātihau whakataukī meaning “I am the river and the river is me”. We are the earth, we are the elements and we are our ancestors.

So, as we pay attention to our environment, we also pay attention to ourselves and our own needs. Again, in theory, simple. Yet many of us don’t do this at all, don’t know how, or if we do, it is one of the last things in our day.

But nothing grows from neglect and nothing heals from mistreatment.